clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
