that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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