Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
