I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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