So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
only you would photoshop your dick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
