do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize