So drunk its hurt
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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