So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
