Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize