before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
