I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize