life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize