i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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