oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
