I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
