where am i from again
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
