I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
