I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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