you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
