I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
