someone get that fucking seahorse.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize