the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
