where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
