My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
