she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
