Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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