I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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