Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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