i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
