just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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