you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize