i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
