The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
