Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
