Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
