If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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