I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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