allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
