I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
