Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
