how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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