so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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