so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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