and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
