i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
