Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
