apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
