Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
