I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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