wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
