I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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