Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
