Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
