Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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