I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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