I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
