He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
