i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
