I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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