Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
