i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
