So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
