Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
