Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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