I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
