She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
