got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
