She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
