Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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