I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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