Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize