"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
