he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
