D3 body, D1 cock
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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