All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
