Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
