Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
