how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
