It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
