Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
