she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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