Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he wonβt make eye contact
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