I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
