The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
