He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
