So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
