New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize