yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
