you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
