You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
