I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
