I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
