Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
