just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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