He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry about my life...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
