Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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