why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
