At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
