Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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