i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
