U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
now i know why i became what i already was.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
