Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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