I just made out with a guy for $7.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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