I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
