Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
