I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
