We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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