Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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