the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
