Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize