if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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