At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
