yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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