break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
