I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
