you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
