if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My dick has a subreddit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize