i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
