By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
