If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize