apparently the secret to your success is patron
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize