so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize