I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
